Chaos and order

So I haven’t completely figured it out; I’m actually not even close, but I do have a good start. Life is chaos and order; I don’t know which comes first and if one causes the other, but I do know it goes in and out of those two. It may be more of a circle but definitely goes around and about those two unpredictable yet predictable elements. They hover over my head like a storm ready to erupt when the pressure becomes too much to bare. However, that leads me to the other two elements governing my life: fear and comfort. These might come in response to the forces of uncertainty or they might stand on their own. Let me take this down to earth as I walk inside and sit to explore the source, the cause, and the reaction, whichever comes first.
I just ran about four miles, possibly an attempt to find some type of order or possibly my reaction to the pressure building. In my life, I do have a boyfriend. I do have a family of seven. And I am familiar with alcohol, in just about every sense of it. Yes, alcohol is alive and has more sense then humans can possibly count. It gets way too much credit for the events of this universe; and just knowing that, shows its power.
Back to the first interaction of my day, where I unfortunately see both uncertainties collide. I end my run early so that I can kiss my lover good bye, but knew the scenario could go any direction.
“Why didn’t you take the dog?” he asks as I grab some water.
“Because I did yesterday, and sometimes I like to run without the dog tearing my arm off,” I said.
“Why did I even get you a dog?” he begins to erupt.
Hmmm, because you were trying to make up for all the shit you put me through. I wanted to say but didn’t; instead, I said “then get rid of the fuckin dog.” I replied
Now anyone knows that a gift of a dog is more than just a gift of a dog. When you are dating with some one a dog means commitment; it means assurance; and it means a step closer to a happy-ever-after family. So I knew I was meaning more than just get rid of the dog.
Maybe we should begin in the beginning where my universe began to tilt; where my universe became a pull and push and the only way to keep afloat was to follow the forces.